Hunter commented that when he first saw Carrie he fell in serious lust with her. Then the guy he was sharing an apartment with told him Carrie was a "hoser", so he decided he wouldn't even f her with someone else's dick. Then Carrie started coming by and chasing him a little, and he decided to have a fling with her. Finally, he fell in love with her. (At which point she dumped him.) (From what he has said to me, I think stories like that are why Max from the Colter Band has avoided most of the chasing Carrie did after him; which is the answer to Carrie's current puzzle over why Max managed to elude her. (I know Max loves Carrie (As do a lot of us.), but he figures he knows her well enough to know it would end in pain.) (She has to accept that as long as she is unwilling to let anyone really close or to make a long term commitment, it's going to continue to be "a few months here, then a few months there", as she has commented herself. (And that there will be men, who are looking for a long term commitment, who won't get involved with her, for fear of being hurt.)) (I say none of this to put down Carrie! There are a lot of us who are afraid to let anyone close, and a lot of ways of doing it. Each person has to find the way that fits who they are, and accept that they aren't going to build a long-term relationship. (Carrie does a series of pretty monogamous relationships, and I have chosen to not let anyone that close.)) (Sexuality is the most complicated puzzle I have encountered so far!)-(The other common ways I have seen people solve their sexual puzzles are:
1. Some people do one nite stands. (Some people say bad things about that choice, but at least those people accept their need for touching and being touched, which I fail to do.) (That, like Carrie's way, leaves doubts in the minds of others that the person doing it would be capable of a long-term commitment. (They may be capable of it in time, but people choose that path because, for the moment, they aren’t ready for commitment and intimacy.) (e.g., one of the most common rationalizations my ex used for her jealous rages was that I had met her in a strip joint. (I never understood that one, but it seems to be something that raises doubt in some women. (I was single then, only went there because the guy I was drinking with wanted to stop and see his neighbor who worked there, and would never have met her if I hadn't; but I caught hell for going there, for years on end. (Eventually I did start doing all the things she accused me of; but I don't think it had much to do with "being a man", as she would say. (Mostly it had to do with being told daily, for years, that that is how I was. (After five years of taking the punishment for screwing around and being told daily by the person closest to me that I was like that; I eventually started collecting the rewards of that lifestyle, and being who she wanted me to be. (Jealousy destroys more relationships than it should!))))))))
2. Samantha and Erica have both lived with the same beau for years and they both have other lovers on the side now and then. (I don't know Erica and Henry's situation well enough to make any comment on it; but I know from talks with Leo that he doesn't consider marrying Samantha because of that habit of hers. (And, uses it as justification for his occasional flings.)-(The affairs are something that Samantha and Leo don't talk about except to use as low blows during fights, but the affairs keep their relationship from becoming a long term commitment.)) (The advantages of solving the sexual puzzle that way, that I see, are that it gives a person the chance to get to know the person who is in the primary relationship with them, it fulfills the human need for touching, it fulfills companionship needs, it forces the people involved to overcome their feelings of jealousy (Those primary relationships would have ended as quickly as Carrie's, if that weren't so.), and allows each some independence.)
3. Monogamy simplifies life in that one can stop worrying about catching something the doctor can't fix; and, if making a commitment is a good developmental step for people, then it's positive in that way too. (The trouble with it is one must give up at least some independence; and open yourself up to problems like jealousy, taking each other for granted, ….) (And, if one buys into the myth of "forever", eventually there will be death or divorce; and one has to cope with the depression that comes from discovering that bit of reality.))