She says she is chasing the captain of the fishing boat she is working on, but that he is recovering from a divorce and isn't being cooperative. (I use the word "divorce" for the ending of any long-term relationship, as the same emotional disturbances follow any breakup. (In the ending of a legal marriage there are legal problems to be dealt with, but that seems to be a small part of the problems associated with the ending of relationships.)) (Anyway, divorce does seem to leave people with sharp edges and they tend to be hard to get close to. (She will just have to be patient and see what happens.)-(And, sometimes the person who is interested in someone like that has to make all the first moves. (e.g., Joel's song "Innocent man".) (e.g., Irving's book "Water method man".))) (I think I will eventually work through my fear and will form new relationships in time; but the only way it would happen now is if a woman was patient and interested enough to chase me.)
Carrie commented again that I need to stop worrying about a girlfriend costing me money. (I think it's quite possible to find a girlfriend with whom the finances would work out about even, over time; but it's something that I have to look at in choosing women to get close to.) (Also, although it's possible to find a girlfriend who won't be a financial drain, the process of finding her is an expensive undertaking. (It takes a serious investment of time and money to get out enough to meet a lot of women, date, build friendships, …. (e.g., I met a lot of women in my Paw days, but it required spending about 56 hours and at least $20 a week in bars, over a long period of time. (I am not complaining about the investment, and it was worth the wonderful friendships I found; but it’s a reality of a serious search for girlfriends.))))
Carrie took offense at my comments about other women who remind me of her. (She says I am just seeing the "b-movie harlot" role she sometimes plays for fun in those women, and not the real her. (Maybe I am, to an extent; but it's more than that. (There is a sense of sensuality that radiates from Carrie, regardless of which role she is playing; and that is what I see in those other women, that reminds me of her.))
She also commented about my writing f, instead of fuck. I have been writing a lot, for years now, and there are a lot of things I abbreviate, and that is just one of them. (e.g., 1 for one, C for cocaine, nite for night, w/ for with, … (I used to use f u for fuck up, until another interpretation of that occurred to me.) (I chalk it up to my laziness; but maybe she has a point?))