5-9-86
(8am) The NBC lineup was good last nite. (I wonder how long Diane will be gone this time?)-(I gave up my friends for a lover once, and it wasn’t worth it! (Anyone that insecure, I am better off without.)-(Jealousy is hard to overcome; but, if you can't, you might as well forget about relationships, because it will destroy them before long.)-(It did remind me of Billie's attitudes on the subject. When she got married, he told her she had to give me as a friend. She thought she should be able to keep all her old men friends; but when I asked about him being able to build friendships with other women, she got really bent.))
Note from the ozone: A video trivia answer says that stress causes horniness. (I think horniness causes stress, if it isn’t released somehow. (At least, trying to find relief for my horniness is one of the major causes of stress in my life!))
Another thing that Erica keeps lecturing me about is how I keep telling everyone about my financial problems. (She thinks that is part of why women find me undesirable.) (One of the first things that people want to know, when I meet them, is what I do. When I say I am a CPA they always seem to jump to the conclusion that I have money and I have to correct that misperception. (Which usually ends up with me explaining all the whys.))-(Or is that just a rationalization for one of my defense mechanisms?)
5-10-86
(2am) I walked down to the Top Hat tonite and listened to the Big Sky Mud Flaps. (I hadn't seen them since Roses closed two years ago.) (Twas a pretty quiet nite and mostly couples, but the music was fine and the girl watching was pleasant.) (It did remind me that I still haven't gotten around to learning how to jitterbug.)
Gabriella was at the Hat last nite. (I tried visiting with her; but she was just too wasted.)
Erica says she agrees with Maria that I should write a novel. (Maybe someday.)
Two of the problems I see with beginning with friends, in looking for someone who is a friend and a lover, are that it takes a long time to build friendships and most people are afraid of doing a friend. (I am slower at building friendships than a lot of people, which in turn makes them even more precious) (Oh well, there is still Wallace.)
Erica stopped by the office earlier today, on her way to Anaconda and Butte for the weekend. (I gave her $75 and she is going to buy me some summer shirts. (She has a lot better tastes in clothing than I do.))
Another of Erica's complaints is that I chew gum "like the devil".
Some pussy would taste good right now.
(11am) I didn't think I drank that much last nite, but I sure feel like shit now.
The other nite I saw an apropos button for me: "I am not playing hard to get, I am hard to get."
Well, laundry is almost done again for another week.