I finished up two poems I had started and wrote a new one. (Neat.)
I wish Carrie would write more. (I miss her. (And it’s hard maintaining a one sided conversation.)-(Oh well, keep writing to her and maybe she will write more someday.))
(9am) I ran into a fellow who agrees with Reagon's Middle East policy because a war would be good for the economy. (Tis sad that it takes a war to improve the economy!)
(10am) There was an article in Thursday's "USA today", where they interview a woman psychologist. (She says it's time men become more masculine again, and women more feminine. (Return to "traditional roles".)) (I wonder if she is going to give up her career to become a housewife, or does she just want men to be more macho and still let her continue being liberated?)-(The traditional masculine roles have just as many negative aspects as the traditional feminine roles, and it isn’t fair to allow women to break away from their old roles without allowing men the same right.) (I think it's good that women are beginning to assert their masculine aspects some, but, likewise, men need to assert some of their feminine aspects.) (If I want lovers, I may have to scrap that idea and give women what they are going to respond to sexually.)
(11am) Am I wrong in thinking that I am doing things wrong, as long as women continue to reject me as a lover?
(5pm) I had lunch with Erica, and now she is pissed at me because I am trying to forget about sex for awhile. (I have spent 1000's of hours the last four years puzzling on that.)-(I have read 1,000's of pages on it.)-(I have written 100's (if not 1,000's) of pages on it.)-(I have driven my friends half mad with questions about it.)-(I don't seem to be any closer to understanding how to make sex a part of my life again, than when I began.)-(I wonder how much money I would have made, if I had invested all that time and energy into accounting?)-(What is the point in continuing to beat my head against that wall? (I give up!)) (I have my women friends and their love, and I need to accept that as it for me. (I am just not someone women can find desirable, so I need to enjoy the platonic relationships I do have!))
4-19-86
(Noon) Laundry time.
What a hangover I have today!