4-14-86
(8am) More sexual puzzles:
1. Why do people so often bed people they don't like and not bed people they do like? (It seems logical to me to start with friends; but I haven't had any luck with that idea. (Is it the idea, or is it other parts of my behavior, that is blocking it from happening?))
2. Women often put me down for pissing money away instead of buying things; but now, when I have spent money on things, there is none left for going out and meeting women. (My home is nicer, but I am the only one who sees it.)
In a way, I am glad Carrie and I were never lovers. (The two guys who introduced me to her originally told me she was the "town squeeze" and that she would get around to me in time. (Kind of nice to see they don't know women as well as they thought they did.))
(6pm) In getting into my relationship with my ex, I let the wrong head do all the thinking. Now I am approaching finding a girlfriend analytically. (Neither seems to be an effective method.) (So what is?)
4-15-86
(8pm) Sexual puzzle: One thing my women friends have in common is that they are all women who I find desirable (I could be content for life with any of them, sexually.); but to come on to any of them would mean taking the risk of losing a friend. (Maybe the only way to find a friend and lover is to start with lovers?) (I love my women friends so much, I am not willing to lose any of them by trying to push the relationship to a sexual level.)
I stopped at Flippers on the way home from work and visited with Erica a bit. (I am in lust with the waitress who was working tonite. (Yum.)) (Nice time.)
4-16-86
(1pm) Oh yes, I asked Erica what she felt I was doing wrong in chasing women. (She said she had never seen me chase anyone, so she couldn't say. (?)-(I have spent a lot of time, the last few years, chasing her.)-(If she didn't even notice, I guess that is one clue about what I am doing wrong.))
(8pm) I stopped at Flippers on the way home from work again and visited with Erica. (Not many women tonite, but wherever she is, is a good girl watching spot.)
(10pm) I finished the three poems I had started Friday nite at Flippers. (I am sure not writing like I once did. (But then I am not drinking as much or spending as much time in bars, and that seems to effect my productivity.))
4-18-86
(1am) I stopped at Flippers on the way home from work and visited with Erica a bit.
Then, later on, I went to the Hat and caught the Colter Band. (They say they the band is breaking up. (Sad! (I have derived a lot of pleasure over the years from listening and dancing to their music!))) (I danced some tonite, and discovered that I am out of practice. (And tense.))