12-5-90
(6am) I had three x-rated dreams last nite. (The first one woke me up and it’s the only one I remember much about. (I was living in a big city and had worked late. The employer had provided me with a key to an apartment they rented, to use when I worked late and wasn’t up to the commute home. Anyway, I went to the apartment building where the apartment was. Lots of guys wanted on the elevator, but the operator only allowed people on who had a room key. Once on the elevator, I discovered that it was full of scantily clad women. One of them grabbed me and we started making out. Then I realized I didn’t know what the room number was that the key fit, and she was begging me to tell her the number so we could go there and fuck all nite. That is when I woke up. (I am debating on whether that means I have the key to sexuality, but haven’t found the right door yet; or if it means that, even if I had the key, I couldn’t find the door. (?)))) (The other two were x-rated and the second involved a woman from work. (I am in lust with that woman. (She is intelligent and interesting; but a relationship with her would be suicide.))) (Besides suppressing dreams, smoke also suppresses my sex drive; so that is probably why I am so horny now.)
(10pm) I did some work on editing poems. (It has been a long time since I worked on a writing project!)
12-6-90
(6pm) Miranda stopped by work today and I helped her run some mailing labels. (She says June is over at the Court today.)
(9pm) Lately I am working on not complaining quite so much, and appreciating what I do have. (Things have been much worse!)
(10pm) Erica stopped by for a bowl and a brew. (Neat!)
12-7-90
(3pm) TGIF!
Well, I have been at the City for three years now. (It doesn’t seem that long.)
Twas nice checking out my dreams, but I am back to suppressing it all again. (Hide in the smoke and avoid facing my problems.)
12-8-90
(10pm) Erica stopped by for some dominos. (Neat!)
Someday I will go out again. (First I have to deal with money problems.)-(This current hassle with my ex has messed me up even more! (It isn’t as bad as the divorce, but it’s very similar. (Tis the same type of emotional upheaval. (Tis just not quite as intense this time.)))