TGI payday! (The money will be all but gone by tomorrow nite, but payday is still nice.)
When I start going out, the first couple years won’t be to look for a girlfriend. (First I need to go to break down my phobias and learn about being in social environments. (Until I break down the phobias some, I doubt I will meet anyone. (The phobias cause me to fall for women who aren’t interested and to be uninterested in one’s who might be interested.)-(Also, they cause me to do and say things, which push people away.)))
Erica is still annoyed at Monica for asking me to make tapes for her and coming by to smoke pot with me. (Monica isn’t doing anything that Erica hasn’t been doing for years. (I suppose one could argue Erica has given me lots in return over the years, and all Monica is giving me is some companionship; but what I need most is time with people and I am getting that from Monica.))
She also has been putting Monica down for being a slut. (Again they are doing the same thing. (The mourning process after the end of a relationship lasts six months to three years, and during that time many people either fuck no one or fuck everyone. Superficially they appear to be totally opposite courses of action, but both allow the person to avoid commitment and building new relationships.)-(Both courses of action provide intimacy without risking a relationship. Fucking no one usually involves building platonic relationships, which provide emotional intimacy, while fucking everyone provides physical intimacy. (Neither is "good" or "bad". Tis merely a question of, which is most comfortable for the individual.)) (Erica also commented about Monica fucking younger men. (Good for her!) (I wonder if that is another way of reducing the potential of a relationship happening?)) (The problem comes when one continues on, as I have, to be stuck in this pattern for longer than three years.)-(If one does what is necessary to heal, they should be building a relationship that contains long term commitment, emotional intimacy and physical intimacy within a few years of the end of the last one.)
Carrie always said that older women want fun men and listening to the women at work seems to confirm that; but I think it may be part of why those relationships don’t work. (Most fun people I know are highly spontaneous, and the women at work are always complaining about their guys not showing up when they said they would. (They are attracted to the guys because they are fun, and part of why the guys are fun is that they are spontaneous. Then, once they progress into a more serious relationship, they get pissed because the guys aren’t dependable. (If the guys stopped being spontaneous they would be less fun and part of why the women were attracted to them would be gone.)))-(It seems silly to me!)-(I enjoy fun people and I have accepted that they aren’t going to be where they say they will be, when they say they will be there.)
(10pm) Erica stopped by for some dominos. (Neat!)
1-6-90
(Midnite) Time for rest!
(1pm) Laundry time again.
From what Erica says, Gwynn broke up with Pete again and is playing the slut. (At least she is getting laid.)
It sounds like someone is buying the house she lives in and is going to convert it to something else, so she may have to move. (Tis a drag, but she never planned on living there long.)