10-23-89
(5pm) Lots of women have been nice to me, but Carrie is about the only person who gave me hugs. (Not being touched makes me feel like there is something wrong with me. (Why else won’t people touch me?)) (I love hugs, but I am obviously not good enough to deserve them.)
I am lost as to how to be a man! (What most men are interested in (e.g., hunting, fishing, sports, cars, …) doesn’t much interest me, and I don’t have a sex life to speak of; so I don’t fit in with other men.) (And, back in the bar days it was painfully obvious the women wanted to be with jerks, and I am not able to treat women like pieces of meat. (Sexuality is a beautiful and wonderful part of life, but that is far from the only reason to be with women. (I complain about no sex life, but what I want most is to find someone to live out the rest of my days with.))) (I am totally lost!) (I will try finding my way again when after I find some money.)
(6pm) I have to find some way to break out of this blue funk!
I ran into Monica when I took the trash out. (I got her tapes to her and we bs’d awhile. (Neat!))
(8pm) Nice workout! (I had to wait a lot tonite. (People are starting to move their exercise programs back inside again.)) (I still haven’t had any luck finding people who will talk to me there.) (My original goal three years ago was to lift at least ten weights on every machine and I am there on all but one of them now. (Neat!))
I suppose it’s more important for me to learn how to become a human being than how to become a man. (I miss companionship more than sex!)
(10pm) Time for dreamland!
10-24-89
(5pm) Busy day!
(11pm) Tiredness!
10-25-89
(5pm) Busy day!
(11pm) Time for sleep!
I do watch a lot of sitcoms! (I need the laughter!)
10-26-89
(5pm) Busy day!
(10pm) I am exhausted!
10-27-89
(5pm) TGIF!