10-9-89
(Midnite) Time to crash and burn!
(Noon) Erica stopped by and brought me lunch. (Neat!)
She is having fun! (Good for you!)
(4pm) Nice workout!
I gave the truck a bath. (Twas overdue!)
One advantage of being a hermit has been that I get laid more than when I went out. (Not much, but better than none.)
Carrie is going through a lot. (Maybe she will write when things calm down.)
(5pm) Erica stopped by for a bowl and a brew. (Neat!)
Erica is still bugging me to go ahead and go out broke. (Maybe part of the problem is that women perceive that differently than men do?)
The new neighbors have shut off the hallway lite. (No one is comfortable trekking up those stairs in the dark, so I may have less company for awhile.)
I have been in Missoula for almost four years, but I haven’t lived here yet. (I just can’t seem to connect to this place.)
It has been a productive time though and I have learned a lot.
(10pm) Today’s the 18th anniversary of my mother’s death. (I am thinking about her tonite.)
With my personality and lack of social skills, it’s best I don’t go anywhere. (All that happened when I used to go out was that I depressed people and got in the way of their fun. (That isn’t fair to others!)) (I am only good for working and helping others with their work.) (What is the point of going out when it turns people off?)
That nite at the Rhino, Carrie said she had always lied about liking me. (I guess I was just a joke to her. (Probably to everyone.)-(Oh well, at least I brought laughter to other’s lives.))
(11pm) I better crash so I will be able to play the good worker in the morning.
10-10-89
(7am) I am still real depressed and down on myself!
I wonder if everyone lies about liking me? (I am pretty stupid and useless, and I can’t really blame people for not being able to stomach being around me!) (I will try to do even more for people, to make up for all the ways I am a terrible person! (I have obviously not done enough!))
Even the cat can’t stand being around me.