Tis interesting that Sharon always shows up in the spring and disappears most of the rest of the year. (Maybe I should be happy for the lay, but I feel guilty.)-(Now I am just thinking about sex more and getting hornier, and that just leads to frustration. (I can’t afford to go out and chase, don’t know how to chase, and my phobias are still there blocking any potential for love.)-(The odds of other women coming to my apartment and molesting me are pretty small.)) (I suppose my ex spoiled me sexually.)-(Sharon doesn’t like kissing, hugging, oral sex, experimenting with different positions, …. (She is real self-conscious about her looks, so she doesn’t like being naked.)-(She just wants to get off and get it over with.))-(I suppose part of the problem is that there is no real emotional intimacy, commitment or love with her, and that also diminishes the joy of sex.)
Tis interesting how I gain weight when I work and lose it when I am unemployed. (I tend to say it’s because I can’t afford beer or as much food when I am unemployed, but it could well be a defense mechanism to replace total poverty. (?))
Tis a pretty common event in human nature, when a long-term relationship ends, to go out with the ex’s best friend and / or worst enemy. (Either way it is painful to the ex.)-(One woman I met in the Paw days lived with her ex’s best friend. Then, when that didn’t piss him off enough to please her, she went out and married his worst enemy.) (Erica has been dating Henry’s best friend lately. (The question is whether she really likes him or is it a game her unconscious is playing to get even with Henry.))
My unconscious mind is playing games with me again. (For the past month I have been smoking about a pack of cigs a week. (Not much, but it’s another sign that I have a problem I need to work out.))
I am also ready for setting the clocks ahead. (I will try to use the extra day lite after work to start walking more.)
Not having any childhood friends is another indicator of my problem. (What I am experiencing now is a pattern that stretches back a long way.)
The plants are growing fast now. (Tis amazing how they take off!)
All relationships have different phases, and the early part requires a lot of time together, to get to know each other and to build a foundation of emotional and physical intimacy, upon which to build the long term commitment. And, within the entity of the relationship are two people working through the phases of life, and they will need more or less time with the other, depending upon where they are at. (Anyway, there are times when a couple will spend a lot of time together:
1. To build the relationship.
2. To renew the magic from time to time.
3. When one or the other individual needs more attention.)
I have given up on finding a girlfriend. (I am just not up to the fight involved with overcoming my fear and learning all I need to learn about relationships and people.) (I think, in time, I will heal enough and find the energy to take on my demons again. (In the mean time, try and work on changing so I am a better person on the levels I can. (e.g., the break room)-(e.g., friends.)-(e.g., the Club.)))