On the way back home I stopped by Erica’s to check on that window.
We smoked a bowl and had a nice chat.
There are a bunch of good movies out now. (Waiting for movies to make it to cable is another exercise in patience.)
(1pm) Nice nap!
(5pm) Miranda called. (I went over and got her car going. (Tis nice being able to help others!))
(9pm) Erica stopped by for a game of Yahtzee. (Neat!)
(11pm) Time for sleep!
2-3-89
(10am) City Hall is closed again today, so I slept in. (Nice!)
(7pm) Quiet day of editing poems. (Nice!)
(11pm) Time for dreamland!
2-4-89
(9am) I remembered a dream for the first time in ages. (Twas a real shitty one!)
Erica commented that they should find Cliff on "Cheers" a girlfriend. (People like him and me rarely find anyone. (You have to have personality, looks, and /or money, and we have none of any of those.)-(The fear gets in the way and keeps one from ever learning what to say and do, and defense mechanisms push away anyone who gets close.))
I wish I could forget my track record at the bars (and everywhere else), but I can’t seem to. (Even if I could, it wouldn’t change anything. (I would still be afraid of women at the unconscious level, shy, quiet, dependent on women to make the first moves and be patient with me, lost for words, …!)) (Oh well, I can’t complain!) (Actually someone like me who stays home is probably going to be better liked than we would if we did try. (When we do go out we are an annoyance and get in the way of other people who are trying to have fun.))
Erica was complaining about guys who grab women’s asses in bars. (They do it because sometimes it works. (If every woman refused to reward that kind of behavior, men would look for other behaviors.)) (It doesn’t take many women to maintain that kind of behavior. (I talked to one fellow once. He said he would sit at home most of the nite. Then he would go to the bar 30 minutes before closing time and walk around the room asking every woman there if she wanted to go home and fuck him. He said nine out of ten would refuse, but there was always one who would take him up on the offer. (Because of that one woman, nine women had to endure being hit on by someone who didn’t interest them.)))