(10pm) I wonder if an advantage of getting married rather than living with someone is that, if it ends, there is a formal and legal ending? (It might be psychologically advantageous to have a formal closing of the books. (e.g., I have noticed that married people, who are separated, even for years, go through the mourning process when they finally do get divorced.))
12-6-88
(5pm) Busy day!
(8pm) In his last letter my dad says his wife still isn’t well, and is going in for surgery soon. (Hopefully things will get better soon!)
I got a letter from Samantha today. (They had a fun trip to NY. (Good for them!))
I worked over at the Parks Department today. (Tis nice getting out of City Hall!)
(11pm) Tiredness!
12-7-88
(5pm) Busy day!
I wonder if I will ever start living here? (In Bozeman I rarely went anywhere without running into someone I knew, and here it’s still the opposite.)
I am beginning to get used to being around cigs. (The craving increases still, but I can cope with it now.) (Keep going to the break room at work and become desensitized to being around them.)
(8pm) Nice workout! (I am adapting to the new schedule with no problem.)-(I needed a change!)
One advantage of my poverty and isolation is being able try the grow room idea.
The movie "Witches of Eastwick" isn’t like the book and is a disappointment in the frame of reference of the book; but as a separate entity it’s pretty good.
(10pm) Tiredness!
12-8-88
(7am) I keep saying "someday" I will find a girlfriend, but I wonder if it will ever happen? (I would have to change a lot, just to start meeting women!)-(I may be too messed up for love to ever find me. (And, if it does, would I even recognize it?)) (Oh well, it will be years until I can afford to start, so I need to try and forget about that. (And, keep avoiding r-rated movies and love stories, so I am not reminded about what I can’t deal with!))
As long as I am too afraid to be a man, I can’t expect women to be interested, and I deserve to be alone.
(6pm) Erica stopped by for a bit. (Neat!)