Understanding that my shyness relates a lot to my body chemistry and genetics has helped a lot! (I kept being really frustrated and depressed because I was how I am, and that wasn’t useful.) (Part of why I am content and mostly happy now comes from that understanding, accepting myself for who I am, and liking who I am, despite my disability. (We all have our strengths and weaknesses.)) (I don’t look at it as resigning myself to some predestined fate. There are ways to work with my strengths and diminish my weaknesses. (e.g., exercise, higher doses of vitamins, not consuming too much too often, learning to cope with the surges of chemicals that hit me when I am around others, and by using desensitization to gradually break down the intensity of the anxiety attacks.) (I think my shyness is the reason I have never been good at being single and fucked around a lot. (Personality has a lot to do with being found attractive by women, and the shyness has turned my personality into mush.))
I think I will always be attracted to women who are extraverts. (They balance me out.) (I am not sure that any of them will be more than friends though.)
(8pm) Tis sad the weekend is over! (My boss will be back tomorrow and I imagine he will stir things up again. (No one seems to like him.))
(9pm) I watched "The Mosquito Coast". (Tis a weird story!)
(10pm) Tiredness!
I watched a George Carlin comedy special. (Funny!)
Charlotte gave me a copy of the newsletter the restaurant she works for puts out and a copy of the underground newsletter one of the employees puts out. (I got a few chuckles out of them!)
9-6-88
(6am) TGI payday!
I have another cold sore. (Annoying!) (Oh well, they aren’t that bad and it will heal soon.) (I wonder if quitting cigs would result in fewer outbreaks?)
One weird thing yesterday happened while I was in the bedroom typing. (I heard a loud noise, so I went to see if it was someone at the door. I found the door open, but no one was there.) (Maybe I didn’t pull it shut all the way when I brought in the paper?)
(7am) Maybe I should invest in a vibrator in case I ever find an adventurous lover? (Oh well, that is a long way off!)
I am sure not having much luck lately with beating my anxiety attacks. (Frustrating!) (I spent more time around people this weekend than in a long time, but I didn’t interact that much. (I managed to keep busy with the work at hand, and didn’t talk much.))
I can’t complain about my neighbors. (I have been real lucky and it’s amazingly quiet here for housing that is targeted towards the college kids.)