1-10-88
(7am) I managed to sleep in again. (Nice!) (I am sleeping more now than in the past. (Maybe I am escaping?)-(Or, maybe I am just drained from all the contact with people at work?))
I only saw Lauren in the break room once last week. (She and Natalie were planning a ski weekend. (They didn't talk to me, so I just smoked my cigs. (They all deserve better than me!)))
Maybe I should look for books on how to be a friend and study that topic? (I always seem to say and do the wrong things! (Maybe that is the phobia sabotaging any attempt I make to find friends?)
D O ran out the door again this morning, but the downstairs door was closed so she didn't get very far. (If she keeps that up, she is going to have to spend some days outside, because I won't be able to hang around until she comes home. (Annoying!)) (There are some big mean cats around here and she is going to get beat up if she keeps this up.)
(8am) D O is sitting and staring at the door and sliding her Paws underneath it. (Maybe I should just let her out and hope for the best?)
Sharon said she would stop by to meet D O. (I hope not.)-(Tis nice to bs on the phone once a month, but I don't really want to see her.)
She says she always seems to end up with men like the woman in "Fatal attraction".
I am not aware of any sadness over not sending Xmas cards to the kids. (They deserve better than me!)-(Tis better they hate me and don't know me.) (Maybe some day I will heal and grow enough to cope with my ex and them, but that is still a long way off.)
(10am) It had been a long time, so I wrote Samantha and Hunter. (I couldn't even think of enough to say to fill up one side of a sheet of paper though. (I guess I am burned out on social interaction.))
I ran across another reference to shyness being genetic. (Something in a person's biochemistry.) (Tis a tough one to overcome!)-(Keep working on it and maybe someday I will overcome.)
Tis probably just as well I couldn't afford classes winter quarter. (I am having enough trouble coping with work now.) (One step at a time, and go slowly so I don't cause more damage.)
Oh yes, I chose the lie of not being able to see my kids because of being behind on child support as the way to deal with that question at work.
One advantage of work is I am smoking less and drinking less coffee.
While I was trying to coax D O out from under the porch the other day, I could hear some men talking about the griefs of being a cop. (Interesting.) (Maybe the new downstairs neighbor is a cop.)
The Top Hat is going to reopen. (Yeah!)