I have played both roles in the movie "Night, mother", but I have played the mother role more often. (I talked my ex through a lot of suicide attempts. (I blew it once and she almost succeeded, but most of the time it wasn't too messy.)) (I think I have played that game all I want to for this lifetime.)
I am excited about getting a cat! (Erica suggested I get a female and I agree.)
Sometimes it's useful to overdue drugs for short periods. (e.g., that triggers emotional storms, and can be helpful in learning how to experience and cope best to them.) (Sooner or later though, one must deal with the issues and move on!)
Erica has commented a couple times lately that Gwynn has stopped going out and has gotten obsessive about working out. (Gwynn has worked out for several years now, so why is it now that she has gotten obsessive and withdrawn? (My guess is Gwynn, in part, has used exercise as an excuse to withdraw and as a replacement for the physical intimacy lost in withdrawing. (Gwynn perceives herself as much heavier than she really is and she responds by running to the gym to workout more. (One question is why does she perceive herself that way. (The standard women’s lib response would be that cultural training teaches women they have to be thin to be desirable. (I think that is an element in obsessive exercise, but there are lots of factors interacting to lead to any behavior.) (Another factor for her is that she is an addict and she can't party and go to school. (Once she starts, she can't stop. (Since all her friends are partiers, she has had to withdraw from people in order to finish school.))) (Thinking about it more, this time of withdrawal coincided with her eye injury, which put her behind in school. Maybe in the new semester, when she isn’t behind, she will start going out more.))))))
Gwynn seems to be using Ross and Carly to fill her need for emotional intimacy. (They have complained some about how often she stops by, which reinforces my thought that I should wait for invitations. (I don't want to be dependent and become a burden to others.))
Who knows what Carly is up to? (When I got there Monday, Carly was out and Ross acted like he figured I had come only to see her. (?)) (She never commented on the poems that I showed her. (Maybe she found them intriguing?)) (Maybe she just wants to use me for computer help?) (She still talks to me a lot about Gwynn, so maybe she is trying to set me up with Gwynn?)
My Dad suggested I wait a little while before starting to pay child support again. (That bothers me, but I have tons of bills piled up and my payments will go to the state to offset what they give her and won’t help her any.)
(8pm) Sharing smoke with others makes me feel good. (Tis a nice ritual!)
(10pm) Quiet nite. (Nice!)
12-3-87
(7am) Dear Abby seems to be getting a bit cynical lately. (I am curious to see how her poll on infidelity comes out.)
Erica has been complaining that she is having trouble sleeping lately. (I hate when that happens!)
She is talking about going back to school. (Good for her!)