Afterwards, I told myself I was "in love" Vicki and never went home again. (I lied to myself, but it got done what had to be done. (My unconscious mind seems to find some way to protect me.))
That nite I drove to Billings after leaving Vicki's, got a motel room there, and partied with some friends of mine there for a couple days.
Maybe it was a drastic way to get out; but my conscious mind wasn't able to make the move, my ex couldn't hear words about divorce from me, and it may have been the only way out.
The affair with Vicki lasted a couple months more, and that one ended with both of us unhappy with the other.
Interesting experience, but it left lots of scars! (I think my unconscious chose celibacy then, to let me heal.)
(10am) Talking about my old business partner reminded me of a story. (He was supposedly pretty wild when he was single and choosing his first two wives. In both cases he caught them in bed with other men, which ended both of those marriages. In looking for wife #3, he became a bible thumper, and found a super religious woman who was 10 years older than him. (He told me the reason he married her was that he figured she would never fuck around on him. (I don't think that should be the sole criteria, or even one of the criteria, for choosing a wife; but it fit who he was then.)))
I was also reminded of the turtle we had. (My ex found him, put him in an aquarium, and took care of him; and I never paid much attention to him, except to watch him now and then. Sometime in the first few months after I left her, she told me she would let the turtle go. (At the time, I didn't understand why she would do that, or why she would tell me about it. (I think now, the turtle and I were somehow connected in her mind.) (She always complained about feeding him. (Maybe that was an unconscious comment about being tired of taking care of me? (Sex is nice, but I would rather take care of myself, than have someone do it who doesn't want to. (It should be a time of sharing, and taking care of each other's human needs. (Most importantly, it should be playtime!)))-(Maybe the idea was so ingrained in her that sex is women paying for their keep, that it was always work for her, instead of play? (Where is the borderline there? It would be hard to build a relationship where both people made identical financial contributions to their joint lives.)-(Tis hard to avoid. I know a part of why I have spaced off Sharon is thinking it would deteriorate into both of us feeling she was paying me for sex.)-(Another puzzle to unravel.)))))) (Looking back, I would say it's possible my ex's rages were her unconscious pushing me away. (She always told me it was only a matter of time until I left her. (Maybe she wondered why it took so long for me to get the message and split?)))