I still think sometimes about going through a wild time, one of these days. (Somehow I am going to have to go through some process which will allow me to meet lots of people, and that is one of the things that comes out of those time.) (I don't think I would do drugs heavily though. (If the idea is to meet people, I need to not turn off my mind with too much consumption.)) (Even if I use classes and such as my vehicle for meeting people, bars are neutral places to go to get to know them better, shoot pool, and dance. (That might fit best who I am now. (I enjoy bars most when I go with others.))) (Who knows though?)
10-13-87
(7am) I am getting curious here lately to meet some new women. (That is always fun.)
I have noticed a couple times lately, when I write sexual aspect; I have slipped and written sexual aspects. (Maybe I do have more than one?)
Maybe, rather than my ex having a sex drive as high as mine; she was doing what
Dr. Ruth suggests doing where there is a variance in
two people's sex drives? (Four or five times a week we would fuck for one to four hours,
and the rest of the time it was quickies and blowjobs that probably were mostly her just
taking care of that need of mine. (If she wanted more, I was usually willing and able to
give it; but, looking back, I suppose she was satisfied and just helping me out. (Or,
keeping my sexual aspect out, so she could attack it later.))) (My sexual aspect agrees
with Dr. Ruth. (His logic is it isn’t his fault he is horny a lot, it only takes a
little of her time and energy to satisfy the intense part of his desire, women give far
more pleasure than I can give myself, and, sometimes, when she lets go, she will discover
she is horny too and it slips into more and she gets pleasured too.)) (My everyday aspect
thinks that would be nice, because then he wouldn't have to spend so much time and energy
taking care of that, and women can take care of that need so much better than he can; but
knows not many women are that nice. (e.g., I always made sure Sharon got all the pleasure
she wanted; but she paid little attention to pleasing me. (That annoyed my sexual aspect,
but my everyday aspect accepted it.)))
(8am) I just noticed the floor. (Yech.) (My house cleaning aspect wakes up now and then, looks around, and bitches at me about being so messy.) (Oh well, I cleaned a few months ago and the urge will probably strike again here soon.)
Maybe part of why I have a problem with lovers is that they aren't able to drain me as easily as they do most men? (Sharon wasn't able to come close.)
One problem that still comes to mind with the idea of learning to jitterbug and hanging out in country bars is that I am not sure how much country music I can stand. Another is whether I am likely to meet anyone there I would get along with well. (e.g., I have the wrong record collection for chasing cowgirls.) (Maybe though I would meet women who prefer rock and blues, and are also there simply because of the age group?) (Tis worth checking out and it would be nice to learn to jitterbug. (I have spent a lot of hours watching people do western dances, and it looks like they are having a lot of fun. (The music bar I hung out in, when I lived in Billings, was country.)))
(9am) I hope you all don't mind all the sexual conversations. (I think once I solve that puzzle, and that part of me is no longer repressed, I will find new topics to talk about. (Right now though, those puzzles are receiving most of my energy.))