I don't know that it will do any good; but I have been playing around with the NLP model for integration. (I called together my sexual and everyday aspects, and thanked them for all the beautiful things they have done for me. Then I suggested to them, that for us to be happier, they should go off to their respective places in my unconscious mind and work out some kind of better deal, where they can get along better. (Every now and then I consciously ask them if they have gotten anywhere yet, and I hear a "no".) (Possibly it's a waste of time; but it isn't going to hurt anything, and maybe it will help a little.))
(Noon) This new hair cut will take some getting used to. (It worries me some that a woman close to my own age chose it for me.) (I will miss having long hair to play with.)
(4pm) Nice workout.
It just occurred to me for some reason that my sexual aspect is left handed. (Maybe that aspect appears dumb because it's controlled by the right cerebral hemisphere of the brain?)
Maybe my ex only saw my sexual aspect because she had a lot of anger to work off, and he was the appropriate target?
I am going to have to figure a way to scramble the stories in "Outlaws and Poets" so that they don't hurt anyone. (I read once that D.H. Lawrence pissed off a lot of his friends by using them in his books. (His books have touched many people, but was it worth hurting his friends?))
(5pm) I just ate four x-tops, and started into this bottle of VO. (16 years ago today my mom died, and now it's time to get my annual wake on the road again.)
I suppose most would disagree, but I think an entertainment center at home is a must for every hermit. (Mostly I use mine for music and humor. (With dashes of sex, terror, intrigue, …, thrown in.))
Maybe I could rewrite "Outlaws and Poets" with me as the object of all the stories? (Most of them came from women, but few are gender exclusive.)
(6pm) Nikki called from Helena to wish me a late happy birthday. (Nice.) (She hasn't gotten married yet, as she is unsure about this guy's drinking habits still.) (She is having another affair with a married man who is telling her he is going to leave his wife in a year for her.) (She is into bowling still, and has improved a bunch this year. (Good for her.)) (One of her daughters started at U of M this year, and she says she will stop in and see me on one of her trips down to visit her daughter. (That would be nice.))
While my everyday self seems to see me as fat, my sexual aspect doesn't. (He is pretty happy with this bod.)
One problem with learning to let emotions flow on by before reacting is what to do about love and lust. (Letting those go by is part of what makes me a good friend for women.) (I still have doubts about reacting to lust. (That has gotten me into so much trouble, and isn't that important a criteria to me.)) (Maybe the answer is to find a girlfriend? (Getting caught up in a lustful moment with someone I loved and trusted could be a lot of fun.))
Carrie's letter was an unusual birthday present; but, so far, I have managed to find something positive in each of her gifts to me, and I will try to find the lessons in this one.