I don't seem to have dealt well with my ex-lovers. (At least I don't have much, if any, interaction with any of them.) (I have written it down in the past to so little experience, but I wonder. (I have read in several places that physical intimacy creates bonding between people. (Maybe genetic and biochemical differences exist which make different people bond more or less intensely?)) (Another reason that suggests I am not ready for any. (Stick with friends, until I am mature enough to deal with all the complexities of sexual relationships.))
I wonder what is new and exciting here?
If I had the money and knew I would be here long enough to finish them, there are some nite courses I would like to take. (e.g., the one’s on assertiveness training and addictive relationships.)
It would sure be easy to simply ignore my phobias, and keep on like I have been. (Socializing and the thought of sexual relationships, means confusion to me and facing lots of anxiety. Being a hermit means avoiding the pain and confusion. (I think others are right that there is the potential for finding greater contentment and happiness, if I could get past the pain, and become social and sexual. (Tis going to take lots of time and energy and experiencing much pain, to get there though. (And, making a lot of mistakes.))))
(4pm) Nice sun tanning session.
I have been trying to watch a lot of comedy on tv here lately. (I think it's good for me to laugh.)
(6pm) I am getting psyched up for cutting my hair short again. (Short hair would probably be more suitable, if I ever get a job interview.) (And, in the winter I wear a stocking hat, and long hair becomes a real nuisance for me then.)
I suppose another thing I need to do is to find some way for people to stop perceiving me as overly sensitive. (That causes a lot of problems. (e.g., friends don't get mad at me and let off steam when they are upset with me, for fear of hurting my feelings. The problem with that is that, eventually, something happens where they do get mad, and I get years of steam vented off at me, all at once.)-(e.g., I need a lot of feedback from others about what I am doing that is wrong and right, and how I can change to be a better friend; but people are often too afraid of hurting me, to be honest with me.))
Another thing that seems to bother my friends is that I have been growing so slowly, and I am so dense when it comes to learning about the social and sexual aspects of life. (They get frustrated, and I can't blame them.)
If what women have told me about my skills as a lover are true, I could probably get by with just going to the bar and sitting there; if I could let a few women get close enough to discover that aspect of me.
(8pm) I watched a show tonite on tv about sexual harassment in the work place. (Again, they made it obvious that the definition of that is expanding. (The key seems to be, if a behavior or words are objected to once, never do or say it again.) (I am not willing to make any kind of sexual overture in the work place. (I can't afford the grief.)-(The show said that is the best policy, so I am not alone in that feeling.) (I am probably shutting off a good way of meeting a future girlfriend, but I am not up to anymore bad experiences yet.)))