(6pm) Time for a typing break.
(9pm) Enough typing for today.
(11pm) Quiet nite. (Nice.)
9-3-87
(8am) One thought last nite was that my sexual fantasies mirror my sexual aversion. (I don't fantasize about all the steps from first meeting through to the bedroom. In my fantasies I skip right to the bedroom scene. (I have never pulled off a seduction, and wouldn't know how to go about it.) (Even fantasizing about the rest creates too much anxiety and confusion, and it spoils the moment.) (I enjoy x-rated movies, now and then, but they all seem to focus on the bedroom too, and ignore the steps of seduction and romance.)) (Oh well, be happy with what sex life I do have.)
All my readings in psychology point to exercise as releasing a chemical which induces happiness, and that it's an integral part of therapy for depression, phobias, …. (I wonder if the shift in work from physical labor to riding desks and the general out of shape state of many people today is one of the major reasons depression is becoming our nation's biggest emotional problem?)
(10am) Still no money. (Oh well, back to work.)
(3pm) Time for a typing break.
(4pm) Nice walk.
(7pm) I finished this addition from Erica's letters. (Yeah.) (Tis the longest addition yet.)
(9pm) "Fighting fear" says one has to do something every day to put oneself in the phobic situation. (Does that mean going to the bars every day again?)-(Maybe three nites a week at the Club, a couple nites a week going to classes, and a couple nites of going to the bars?)-(I will have to find some books that deal directly with sexual aversion. (Keep studying.))
I wonder when I will get the package from Carrie with my letters to her? (I could use a day off from the computer, but I am anxious to get that done.)
Someday I will have to work up to more than two readers.
It would sure be nice if I can beat my phobias!
I will have to stop being so obsessive about work, if I am ever to find a girlfriend. (Now, by the time I finish work, I don't seem to have the time and energy that is necessary to build and maintain a relationship.)
I have been worried some about my dad. (His letters and phone calls this past year seem to be becoming less coherent and sharp.) (I hope he is sticking with his diet, and avoiding the booze.) (Somehow I can't imagine him moving to Nevada. (He loves his farm and gardening, and he would have to give them up.))