6-4-87
(2pm) Happy birthday to Samantha.
Tis sun tanning time again.
The cops sure cruise through the park a lot on their motorcycles. (They would say it's their job, but they always seem to choose routes that take them close to wherever the women are sunbathing.)
A lot of people have commented about me being too sensitive. (How do I stop being so self-conscious and withdrawing so quickly and so far? (It isn’t fair to others or myself.))
I taped a couple R-rated movies last nite, and spent this morning watching them. (I am thankful for fantasies and cheap thrills.)
Actually, I am kind of enjoying being lazy for awhile.
(4pm) Nice sun tanning session.
(5pm) Nice walk.
6-5-87
(Midnite) Quiet nite. (Nice.)
(8am) Maybe my self-consciousness is just another aspect of my self-hate? (I can't imagine anyone really wanting to spend time with me, and as soon as I see even the slightest confirmation of that, I disappear. (Keep it going alone, until I like myself enough to believe others would want me around.))
Isn't what I really fear, when I consider going out, myself?
(3pm) Nice workout.
(6pm) Nice sun tanning session.
(11pm) Quiet nite. (Nice.)
6-6-87
(10am) Another beautiful morning.
I am still sending out job applications, but all I have heard so far is nothing and rejection. (Depressing.)
I am out of pot. (I can use a break.) (It will be interesting to see what my dreams are like these days.)