(11am) It looks cold out; but I have chores to do, so off into it.
(1pm) Twas cold, but I worked up a sweat anyway.
I went to the newspaper’s offices, changed the ad I have in there for selling my car, and bought another ten days.
Erica commented that it sounds a little like I am feeling guilty about all the consumption I have done in the past. (No.) (I know I am not done paying for it; but I learned much from those experiences, had fun, and met some beautiful people!)
I suppose part of what is wrong with my book is that it lacks conscious direction. (I will be out walking or doing something, and an idea comes to mind. If it sounds interesting I make note of it, I add it to the book when I get home, and then I totally forget about it.) (Most of the time, on my walks, I am thinking of nothing, about something mundane like dinner, or running a daydream; and then some idea pops into consciousness and I jot it down. Then I go back to whatever mundane thing I was doing before. (Maybe it isn’t publishable, but I find some value, for myself, in the writing; and maybe Erica and Carrie find some useful tidbits too, amongst all the garbage.)) (Tis weird how the unconscious mind works.) (Walking is where I get my best ideas.)
Money would be nice to have; but I don't think having it would help me much until I come to terms with myself. (And, once I get there, it probably won't matter all that much, if I have it or not.) (e.g., if I had money now, I would go out; but I would continue to do the same things I had been doing, and not meet people.) (Once I finish working through all this, I think I will go out, regardless of whether I have money, and that I will meet people.)
I got a letter from Hunter today. (He is at the Coast Guard boot camp now.) (He says he is doing a lot of push-ups these days.) (They made him a yeoman, so he gets to boss the other recruits around. (He likes that.))
(3pm) Brr! (Time to crank up the heater some more.)
(6pm) Nice walk.
Tis five weeks now without a cig.
If something doesn't happen here soon, I am going to be broke and out on the street.
(9pm) One idea, in case money doesn't work out soon, is to get myself arrested and thrown in jail. (At least there is food and heat there!) (Studying and writing might be a problem there though. (It would be filtered by the censorship inherent in that system.))
Maybe I could move everything into a storage shed and sleep there? (Then hang out at the Club and bars all day, to keep warm.) (That would only take about $70 a month with food stamps.)
Maybe it would do me good to lose everything again and start over from scratch?
Oh well, hopefully something will come together soon. (That is my gut feeling.)