I have been telling myself that if I don't figure out sex by 40, that I will check out; but I suppose putting a deadline on it is a sign that I haven't completely worked through my dependence and come totally to terms with alone. (Keep practicing.) (So what if women don't find me desirable.)
Tis peanut butter and jelly cracker time.
12-10-86
(Midnite) Cocaine must be a great hi for people to do the things they do for it.
(2pm) Nice workout.
One advantage of being a hermit is that it helps to make celibacy a lot more bearable. (Girl watching is fun, but it's also pretty frustrating.)
Although I have been too slow in the past at meeting people and building friendships, I don't think that is something that just happens. (It takes time for people to get to know each other, and that is the first ingredient of friendship.) (Which brings me back to the puzzle of how much to go out. (Maybe 20 hours a week wouldn't be enough?) (Maybe I should go back to 40-60 hours a week for a year or so first, to build the groundwork?))
I am adapting to one j a day pretty well. (Maybe I should experiment and see if I still have nitemares when I don't do any?)
Today's workout felt good. (I am far from the "brick" classification, but I am working at it.)
(3pm) Erica dropped by and said howdy. (Neat.)
I seem to be more content since I gave up worrying about sex. (It just confuses me and makes matters worse when I do. (Just build friendships, enjoy the companionship, and let women worry about the sex part. (If someone is interested, she will figure out some way to let me know.)))
(6pm) Nice walk. (It surprised me a few years ago, when I first got into walking, that I sweat a lot when I walk in the winter time. (I have to take off my shirt when I get home and dry it out on the heater.))
I am kind of looking forward to trying out racquetball again, but I am not sure I am ready for it. (I was out of shape, lacked endurance, and my lungs were a mess; but maybe I am there now?)
Twas fun staying hi all day, but I think it's good I have slowed back down.
In Erica's latest letter, she took offense at some of my comments about cocaine (I didn't write them to lecture anyone, but merely as part of my analysis of whether or not I want to experiment with it in the future. (e.g., my comments about its impact on health are very much personal. (My mom died in her early 40's of heart problems, so there is a history of that in my family; and it's something I have to give awareness to when it comes to drugs.)-(I wonder how cocaine and speed interrelate in that way? (I know the nite I did nine x-tops, my heart was doing some weird things.))))