(6pm) Nice walk.
Erica stopped in and said hi. (Tis nice having company now and then.)
I checked out the adult shop today thinking they would surely have some books on seduction. (Still no luck?)
(7pm) Well I took a nice long hot bath and put on some clean clothes. (I don't go out much anymore, so I might as well clean up a bit when I do.) (Or should I go skuzzy? (Maybe that is another mistake I make?))
(8pm) Maybe I should scrap the idea of finding friends and lovers, and define everyone as fair game. (Oh well I don't know what to do either way.) (Frustrating!) (I know I could go out now and that there is some set of behaviors which would lead to me getting laid; but I don't have the foggiest idea what set of behaviors that would be.)
(9pm) In sales they have a concept that says the principle of seduction is to tell people what they want to hear. (So what is it women want to hear?)
(11pm) Quiet nite of tv.
I suppose I should go do some girl watching.
11-1-86
(2am) Another month bites the dust.
I went to the Hat. (The music, girl watching, and costumes were great.) (One woman even tried to talk to me, but I couldn't think of anything to say.) (Since the Paw days, I have lost 50 pounds, scrapped the concept of "sexual monogamy", I am trying to remember that everyone is "fair game", …; but until I figure out what I am supposed to say and do, I haven't dealt with the real problem.)
(11am) I hiked to the laundromat and I am putting that chore behind me again.
(6pm) Erica stopped by and visited for a bit.
She says to stop worrying about being desirable. (My libido keeps bugging me to get laid.)
She made a comment about my tendency for polarities. (True. (e.g., my weight has ranged from 315 to 170 over the last six years.)-(e.g., going from averaging sex twice a day to once a year.)-(e.g., going to the bars almost every nite to almost never.)-(e.g., going from reading nothing in the first year after my divorce to being a book worm now.))
I hit eight more bookstores today and still nothing on seduction.
Going out is so frustrating; it's hard to get psyched up to go anymore. (I just can't seem to figure out what I am supposed to be doing, and do it.)