I am hesitant to go to the bars broke. (Tis pretty tough to make a positive impression on women and do much playing without!) (Back in Bozeman I was known as a bum because I went out broke most of the time.)
If my eyes say negative things, maybe it's just as well I wear glasses, so they are hidden some? (Glasses get in the way of eye contact. (The question is whether that is good or bad.))
10-11-86
(Noon) I wonder if it would do any good to get some joke books, memorize them, and then sit here and practice telling them to myself for a few months?
People who know how to play don't have the patience to teach me; so I need to find ways to teach myself, and practice until I am good enough for people.
The rest of last nite I spent watching some really weird horror flick on tv, read, and listening to music. (Erica had left a note saying she might go partying and drag me along, but I didn't get a call. (Maybe she went and spaced me off. (People do that to me a lot. (I am just not someone people think about come party time.))))
Samantha says I should sell my car. (It sure has been one problem after another. (And, I may need the money to live on, before this unemployment is over.))
We had a nice Indian summer for a few days, but it cooled down again yesterday. (Looks like today will be nice though. (Tis a beautiful day, so far.))
(2pm) I think the reason that smiling hasn't helped is I still don't know what to say or do. (Maybe I come off worse just sitting and smiling than I did frowning?)
(5pm) I went for a nice walk.
Erica called and invited me to a party, but I am depressed and don't want to bum anyone else out.
The corollary to my women friends seldom thinking of me come party time is that they do think of me when they are hungover. (Talking to me for a bit makes even a hangover seem good.)
(9pm) I took myself to "Crocodile Dundee". (Good flick.)
And I ate some shrooms.
Now to snuggle down in my blanket and watch some more movies.
10-12-86
(6am) The movie lineup was great.
(Noon) I am feeling good.
The shrooms were mellow. (One of those times when touching feels really good.)