I am still lost by the "It just happens." comments I’ve heard about sex. (I must be doing something that keeps it from happening.)
One excuse to play now is to make up for the childhood I forgot. (And the puberty I studied and worked through.)
I would like to be someone women want to play with, but I also enjoy being someone women come to for their quiet times. (Is it possible to be both?)
I have found in the past that one advantage of taking speed is that it increases my endurance. (I am not nearly as likely to pass out. (That could be a way to get me through to the after-hours parties when I get back to partying.)) (Speed makes me aggressive when I drink. (One trouble in the past was that I went all the way to obnoxious. (Maybe now I would remain a little mellower on it?)))
Carrie commented that most people learned what I am lacking, on the playground. (I don't remember then.)
I have spent a lot of time with a lot of people over the years, but I need to be different in the future and make more of that time happy.
My sister says I have used withdrawal as a defense for as long as she can remember. (It works but it's keeping me away from living.) (I need to find new defenses that leave some room for others and for having fun.)
(3am) Another reason I am not good at play, may be that I have been a follower. (I have learned that the way to have the most fun is to let my women friends lead the way. (I suppose that reinforces my "wimp" image. (Or, as Erica commented, my "puppy dog" image.))) (Oh well, I am unskilled and immature in that part of life; and the best way I know to learn is to follow and watch others who are expert at it!)
(11am) I finally got up and put some coffee on. (If it paid, I could really get into unemployment.)
(3pm) Well, I finally finished typing up that bunch of letters. (Yeah.)
Perception: I don't seem to feel as lonely now as I did back when I hung out in the bars. (I seem to be becoming more content with myself.)
My sister made the same comment that Samantha has about considering guys she meets at the bars being only one niters, and seldom wanting anything more to do with them. (At least those guys are getting companionship and sex!) (And, my experience has been different. (I found no lovers, but I did find some very special friends there!)) (Maybe spending so much time in bars is why some women have put a negative label on me?)
(5pm) Nice walk.
(6pm) I went for a bike ride. (Nice, but I need to get the bike tuned up soon.)