5-18-85
(11am) Carrie and Hunter stopped by last nite. They had dinner with me and then we sat around watching tv and bs'ing. (That was nice!) (Carrie is trying to discourage me from thinking about Erica, and to get on with chasing someone whom could be interested. (I wonder if I will ever stop beating my head against brick walls?))
(10pm) Tis another beautiful sunset. (There have been a bunch of those lately.) (Neat.)
I took a long nap this afternoon. (I guess I was tireder than I thought I was.)
5-20-85
(5pm) My back is stiff and sore again, and I slept like shit last nite. (Bitch, bitch, bitch.) (I think a lot of it is that I am being torn about Erica. (Analytically, I think continuing on is foolishness; but there is still a part of me that says to continue to wait for her. (Confusion.))) (I am still confused by some things she says. Sometimes it sounds like she is interested, but it’s likely that I am reading something into her messages that isn’t there. (Hearing what I want to hear rather than what she is really saying.))
5-23-85
(Noon) I am going to take the afternoon off from work. (I can't concentrate and I am just generally burned out.)
It has been a quiet few days of reading and work.
Colin Wilson's book was fascinating.
I wonder if I will ever overcome and be able to build another relationship with a woman? (It would probably be good for me, in a lot of ways.) (And, maybe, I could be good for some woman? (If I couldn't be, it’s best to stay alone.)) (Just keep working on maturing. (And keep searching eyes and building new friendships.))
Quote:
David Lee Roth-"The first sign, the very first
sign, of a nervous breakdown is thinking that your work is terribly important."
As the courthouse turns: One woman at work keeps pushing me to move to Missoula to see if anything happens with Erica. (If I am not able to get past her here, maybe it would help?) (Erica told me once she wasn't in to long distance romances, and maybe things would change if I lived there?)-(And, if she truly isn’t interested, at least that would be a way to find out for sure.)
5-24-85
(11pm) I got another rejection on my book today.
I got a letter from Erica today. (She is still doing well. (Good for her.))
Samantha stopped by for a bit and visited with me. Then we went down to Wendy's and bought some frosties. After that we cruised Main Street for awhile. (Nice nite.)