I think the tension I was feeling about going to Missoula was tied in with the lack of poetry lately. (Once I had dealt with facing her again, it came back around.)
As the courthouse turns:
1. The people at work commented that my trip seems to have improved my attitude. (Twas good for me to get out of town for a few days.) (And the women all wanted to know how things went with Erica.)
2. One woman at work has been telling me that I need to become more modern, sexually. (I suppose I am a bit old fashioned, but mostly I think it’s fear that is causing me a problem.)-(The old fashioned attitude about sexuality is probably just a defense mechanism and an excuse generated by my fear for avoiding intimacy.)
3. Another woman at work thinks that I should move back to the big cities and find a job where I can use all of my skills and not be bored. (And make the kind of money I am capable of making. (There aren't many good paying jobs up here and it doesn't appear I will be able to sell my writing to supplement my income. (Given the market for poetry, even if I did publish I would still have to keep working an accounting job.))) (Moving is probably the only way I will ever get any money and pay off my marriage before I am old.)-(I just don't want to deal with all the hassles that go with the big cities.)-(And, the people and environment are so much nicer here.)
Notes from the ozone:
1. We each must choose whether to follow our heart or money. (Is following money really the road to success?)
2. It would be tempting for anyone involved in the occult to be seduced by its dark side. (All power tends to become perverted by greed and such.)
3. One of the things I keep coming back to is discerning the difference between what should be and what can be. (Tis good to explore the coulds, but one must keep at least one foot planted in the can be.)
4. One of the reasons I don't f around is that it’s often a negative form of using others. (Without the bond of intimacy, the focus seems too often to be on taking rather than on giving. (And that can lead to bad karma.))
5. Part of what happens when using drugs is that one shifts from a left cerebral hemisphere focus to the right cerebral hemisphere. (That causes a loss in analytical capability, which is why they don't mix well with most work, driving, ....) (I wonder if drugs cause a chemical process that causes a shift, or whether they just deaden the left side sufficiently for the right side to become dominant?
6. Part of what I associate with the Chinese concept of yin and yang is finding harmony between the competing forces in our lives. (e.g., the battle for dominance between right and left cerebral hemispheres. (One aspect of which is conscious versus subconscious.)-(Another would be intuitive versus analytical thought.))-(Other examples would be the male and female aspects of each of us, the male-female bonding of our relationships, solar and lunar knowledge, ....)
7. Isn't the trick with the role versus identity conflict that goes on inside each of us to choose roles that come close to our identity? (Then again, we should also try on roles divergent from our identities, now and then, to explore those parts of life and see if there is anything that is useful there that we could incorporate into our identities. (We each must fight the laziness that we tend towards, and constantly strive to learn and change. (Only by changing can we grow.)))