(7pm) I sent Erica a letter with her Xmas presents. (I mentioned having started this journal; in part, out of the hope she would ask to read it. (Maybe if she read how I feel, it would clear the air some?)) (I wonder if my trouble with bursting this bubble is simply that I am not ready for a relationship, and loving Erica is a safe place to hide until I am?)
Maybe cynicism is in these days, but I am not real comfortable with it. (I suppose I have read too many books and seen too many movies.)
(7pm) I took my car in today to get it worked on. (Other than grocery shopping and the laundromat, I don't really need it; but it does make life a bit easier.) (The only other place I would like to go is Missoula to see Erica, but I think that would end up being a nitemare. (In the movies and books, they make such actions seem romantic, but I don't think it would be in this case. (It would just force Erica to tell me off, and neither of us need that.)))
Despite how wild Carrie is supposed to be and how liberal she claims to be sexually, she sometimes is really prudish. (Sometimes the mask slips a bit and behind the "b movie harlot" image, the nice Catholic girl looking for love shows through.)
Maybe next time I hear from Samantha, I will ask her for Rena's phone number. (Samantha introduced me to Rena last summer, and I am in serious lust with her. (She says she is a gymnast, which intrigues me. (The joys of fantasy life!)))
From what I have seen most other single guys aren't getting laid much either; but I suppose two years is a bit extreme.
12-12-84
(9pm) I managed to get shot down today, without even having tried. (When I got home from work, I found the books I had loaned Rena last summer stacked in front of the door. (I wonder if it was a coincidence that her note to me was on notepaper that had the heading "Dear pain in the ass"?))
I told Erica I would work on being more cynical, so in today's poetry corner I am off exploring that tangent: