12-4-84
(8pm) I have to be careful not to let my feelings screw up my friendship with Erica. (We have invested a lot of time and caring into building our friendship, and it's a very special part of my life!)-(Accept what is, and not throw away our friendship because it isn’t more!)
12-5-84
(6pm) Another feature that we will come to here, now and then, will be "notes from the ozone" (I think there is some benefit of shutting down the conscious mind now and then, and let the unconscious mind work on the problems for awhile.)-(These are some thoughts that have come around during those times.):
1. One of the most important things to learn from life is that others aren't going to be who and what we want them to be. (Everyone has to be themselves. (That is what makes life fun.))
2. Isn't most of what we call science, merely an outgrowth of our fear of death? (Maybe we should spend more time trying to improve the quality of our time, rather than being obsessed with quantity?)
3. I love my women friends dearly, but I seem to cause them problems with their beaus.
4. There is psychological as well as biological evolution. (The biological moves slowly; but, if we let it, the psychological can leap ahead at a startling rate.)
5. I wonder to what extent the unconscious mind controls the level of our sex drives? (If it can cause impotence, maybe it's the reason for my overactive sex drive?)-(If part of my problem has to do with quilt and punishing myself; wouldn't the combination of an overactive sex drive and the lack of skills needed for seduction be a form of self punishment?)
6. Off on a tangent: Since pension plans own a substantial portion of the stock in major corporations, they must control a lot of the boards of directors. (I wonder who votes that stock? (The Mafia?))
(7pm) One advantage of finding a girlfriend would be that I could invest my time and energy into something more productive than sitting in bars meeting strangers. (I sure have spent a lot of hours doing that.)
(9pm) I think one reason I backed away from Erica is that, although I shared much of myself with her, I barely know her. (I have just got to accept that she doesn't feel the same way about me as I do about her.)-(I have to learn to recognize and accept each relationship for what it is and isn't.) (I sent her some Xmas presents today. (Nothing expensive or romantic. (Just sharing with a friend.)))
Note from the ozone: Some of the people I have visited with have commented that they thought the movie "Annie Hall" was sad, but I think they missed the point. (?)
12-6-84
(6pm) Another of my problems in finding a girlfriend is that I need to wait and see what happens with my ex. (If she regresses back into alcoholism, I will need to be able to file a suit to try and gain custody of the kids.)
I suppose I am still a bit pissed over the legal trick my ex and her latest ex pulled. (They got an annulment so that my alimony obligation to her was restarted.)