(7pm) The drive back was nice and I learned a bunch of new stuff at the seminar. (Maybe I am not as dumb as I sometimes think I am?)
I am nervous about Carrie's party tonite.
I wonder if talking about my long-term celibacy is another way that I keep women away? (They may well figure that they are better off pursuing fellows who are ready for some fun.)
I do prefer to build friendships first and then let anything more develop on its own; but, so far, all I have found is friendship. (That is pretty neat though.) (One problem with that approach is I am afraid of screwing up friendships by having flings with my women friends. (Confusing.))
There have been a few women who have made an offer to do me, so I must not be totally undesirable. (So far, they have all been women who I wasn't attracted to, and who I didn't want to end up hurting.)-(Why is it that I am in love with someone, she is in love with someone else, and some woman who doesn't interest me is in love with me?)
So confusing. (What is the proper approach to relationships?)
I am curious to learn the if, whom, and when of the next lover in my life. (Tis my curiosity that keeps me going.)
12-1-84
(9am) Well the party seemed a bit blasé, but I think it was probably me that was blasé. (And, uptight!)-(I seem to be so locked into blackness and defeat, I can't have fun.)-(I could have tried to become involved, but instead I just stayed in my shell.)-(Such a f up!)
Well, one of the regular features here will be visits to poetry corner. I just finished up a new batch, so we will go explore that part of my writing now: