It sure is tough holding onto friends, and staying single. (It seems like they are constantly moving on to new places, or getting involved in a new love affair and leaving me behind.) (Oh well, I will just have to find some way to keep building new friendships.) (Still it's hard to keep losing friends.)
Well, now I think it's time for a j (joint) and a writing break.
(10pm) Carrie called. (I sure enjoy hearing her voice on the other end of the telephone line.) (She invited me to a party at her place on Friday nite. (I wonder if this is another attempt to get me f'ed?))
11-28-84
(5pm) Laundry time again. (Boo.)
I got my bills pretty much taken care of today. (Again, boo.)
Am I crazy? I don't think so. (I function sufficiently well to do my job well, but I do have a problem with relationships.)-(Oh well, just keep putting one foot in front of the other one and see where I end up.)
I am not into violence at all. (I have never seen where it accomplished much that was positive, and there are many other ways to deal with one's problems.)
I wonder if I put up with my ex's jealous rages and attacks for so long just for sex, or did some part of myself enjoy being whipped?
I will confess to being a lech, and I do love girl watching. (And, as much as my women friends guy watch, I can't feel guilty about that habit of mine.)
(8pm) I walked over to Carrie's and bs'd with her for awhile. (Nice evening.)
11-29-84
(6pm) I drove to Billings today for a tax seminar. (I felt very much out of place there.)-(And, it made me realize how out of touch I have become with all the new tax law changes.)-(And, it was a bit frustrating seeing others who have made something out of their careers, while I have stagnated and not accomplished much of anything in the way of success.) (It also reminded me how frustrating poverty can be. (I met an attractive woman at the seminar, and we had a really nice visit; but I couldn't afford to ask her out afterwards for a couple brews.))
11-30-84
(2am) That was a pretty weird dream. (I so rarely remember my dreams; I pay attention to the one’s that survive the nite.) (It seemed to suggest that a lot of my problem with sexuality ties back to quilt (etc) regarding my mother's problems. (Probably true.))
(6am) I think I am tireder and stiffer now than when I went to bed. (I hate traveling.) (It will be nice getting home to my own bed.)