There was an interesting article in "Playboy" on how body chemistry effects sexuality. (Quote: "Sexual access to females, research is revealing, is in many ways dependent on a certain amount of dominance (and its associated qualities of confidence and assertiveness), which means high levels of serotonin (among other things).") (That fits my gut feeling that I am trapped in a catch 22, and with the fact that I become more passive the farther I get from the time when I was sexually active! (And with how I am different now that when I was married! (I made more money, spent more time with people, and had less problems with social situations then than any other time in my life!))-(It would also explain why sexual surrogates are effective in treating sexual dysfunction.))
3-6-90
(7pm) Erica stopped by for a bowl and a brew. (Neat!)
3-7-90
(8pm) Nice workout!
3-8-90
(8pm) I have sure become quiet and boring!
(9pm) I hadn’t written to my dad and Samantha in a month, so I wrote them.
I watched a lot of "Sesame Street" and "Mr. Rogers" when I was married! (Twas also a good time to slip off to the bedroom for a quickie before dinner.) (Great shows!)
I am still over dressing this winter. (I put on enough to stay warm when I step outside, but after a couple blocks my body is warmed up and I start sweating.) (I guess I can’t shake my Boy Scout training and I seem obsessed with being prepared for anything.)
I think when I can afford to go out I will go places where I know no one. (I don’t want to use and be dependent on friends. (That is going to be a difficult period and I don’t want to get in the way of their fun.))
3-9-90
(9pm) TGIF!
3-10-90
(2pm) Laundry time again.
I got an ad from a literary agent. (They say they will read and analyze the potential of my poetry for $500. (If I ever have $500 to piss away, I will try them.))
3-11-90
(10pm) Another blasé weekend!