She says Gwynn is continuing to drive without a driver’s license. (Stupid!)
I didn’t have to work too long today. (I am glad!)
(2pm) I have been divorced almost as long as I was married. (Am I ever going to recover? (I have got my doubts!)) (I wonder if it would have taken this long if poverty hadn’t been with me for this part of my journey?)
I am looking for a girlfriend who is intelligent. (I tried staying in bed a lot with my ex, and that taught me that lust isn’t enough for a long-term relationship.)
I think the primary reason I am undesirable is my fear of physical intimacy and commitment. (If I am able to overcome the sexual aversion, I think there will be women who will be interested, who interest me.)
I fiddle with my hair a lot! (I have a very hi need to touch and be touched, and it manifests itself in things like playing with my hair, cigs, gum, …; when there is no one in my life to touch and be touched by.) (I was different in a lot of ways when I had a sex life!)
I had less trouble in social settings, when I was married. (I was around others nearly all the time between work, school and home, and it helped to desensitize me some.)
I suppose fantasy is better than nothing!
The biggest plus since my divorce has been learning to enjoy and cherish the friendship and company of women! (That is what I needed to learn after my ex! (My ex taught me lots about physical intimacy, but I was totally ignorant about emotional intimacy and my women friends have been helping me to learn about that.))
(7pm) Erica stopped by for a bowl and a brew. (Neat!)
(8pm) Miranda stopped by and brought the truck back. (She is really bummed out about her car!)
(9pm) I better sleep!
12-4-89
(11am) I slept for 14 hours.
(1pm) I am feeling better. (Nice!)
(6pm) Erica stopped by to say hi. (Neat!)
A love life would be nice, but I am content with friends. (I am afraid of sexual relationships, so platonic one’s are more comfortable. (I can avoid the anxiety and enjoy the company of women at the same time.))
It has been nice taking it easy today!
(10pm) Time for dreamland!