One advantage of starting the grow room up again would be that it keeps the bedroom a lot warmer during the winter.
I love hugs, but I do have a problem with physical intimacy and that is probably why I have avoided meeting women who might give me some. (Tis frustrating to both long for and fear human touch!) (I wonder if I will ever resolve that internal struggle and be capable of human contact and love?)
I know it’s irrational to be so self conscious and anxious, and that others aren’t aware of the internal turmoil that is going on inside me. (I have had lots of practice hiding the anxiety attacks from others, but I am on a chemical roller coaster ride and it’s quite real. (The cure is enough experience with the emotional storms to break them down and learn to function even in turmoil.))
The only contest I am likely to win is who gets laid last. (I am just not someone most women find desirable. (The fear is something women can sense, and they are repulsed by it.)) (I don’t blame women for looking for someone who is fun, and not all messed up about physical intimacy and play! (I know I am attracted to women who are fun and playful!))
D O has turned back into commando cat again lately.
There is another bout of the flu going around at work. (Yech!)
I have been doing evening workouts for a year now and I do like that better than mornings. (Most importantly I am able to make it in the evenings more often than I did in the mornings.) (It has also shifted my sleep schedule so I am staying up later.)
Erica is still having trouble with her car. (What a drag!)
I am running out of money and cigs again. (Maybe I will finally try to quit again?)
(8pm) Another lonely old nite.
(10pm) Time for dreamland!
11-6-89
(5pm) Really hectic day!
(8pm) Nice workout! (After watching awhile, I have noticed that few people talk to others at the Club unless they came together or know each other from somewhere else. (Interesting!))
(11pm) Time for the old man to catch some shuteye!
11-7-89
(5pm) Busy day!
(9pm) Erica stopped by to use the computer. (Neat!)