I smoked a lot less at the bars last nite than normal. (I am a lot more comfortable when I am with friends than when I am alone.) (I also drank a lot less than normal.)
(5pm) Erica stopped by and kept me company for awhile. (Nice!)
I went down to see Carly, but she wouldn’t answer the door. (I wonder whom she is fucking now?)-(Or, maybe they are just sick of seeing me.)
(8pm) Enough work for today!
I finished printing off the poems and started editing. (Tis nice to be back to writing!)
I ate four x-tops and some shrooms.
Sharon says it’s kind of nice that I don’t make demands on her. (When she is horny I am available and the rest of the time she doesn’t have to worry about me.)
(10pm) I watched "Dallas", "Falcon" and "Dynasty". (They are sure getting exciting. (I suppose that means the tv season is about over.))
3-6-88
(2am) I made it home alone. (So what else is new?)
I went to the Down Under. (They generally give me a couple free drinks, so maybe I am becoming a semi-regular there.)-(Because it was slow, they were selling me drinks for a buck tonite.) (I am in serious lust with one of the waitresses!) (Once again I smoked and drank too much.)
I met my boss’ live in girlfriend tonite. (She is a waitress at the Down Under.)-(She knew me somehow and started the conversation.)-(Twas slow and she was the backup waitress, so she was just sitting around and waiting on the ok to go home.) (Pretty weird!) (Hopefully she didn’t notice the smell of pot and my glazed eyes.) (She is cute!) (She is tired of Bayley. (She says he plays the same songs, in the same order, and even makes the same "spontaneous" comments every nite.))-(He does seem like he is running on autopilot.)
I overheard the bartender telling someone that Bayley was shooting up during the breaks.
I treated myself to breakfast at 4b’s again. (I bs’d a bit with the waitress there too.)
I am glad I walk to the bar. (Things are tight and the cops have been getting more aggressive about writing tickets to generate more revenue, to pay for raises.)
(3am) Well, I suppose I should look for dreamland.
Despite my shyness I seem to be holding onto a little optimism. (e.g., I still take a few rubbers with me when I go out. (Stranger things have happened.))
Tis amazing how hard it is to get out the door! (I had another major anxiety attack and almost didn’t go out.)-(Each time I do make it out the door is a positive step for me.)