Sharon got a little pissed at her daughter last nite because she kept hanging around and listening to her side of our conversation. (They want me to tape some more albums for them. (It will be nice to give some more! (I enjoy sharing!))) (Her daughter is into computers. (She is going to VoTech and working as a waitress now.)) (She says her daughter moved the tv and vcr into her bedroom, so Sharon is taking a break from tv. (Between volleyball, bowling and cruising the bars looking for guys, Sharon isn't home much; so it doesn't sound like a major sacrifice.)-(She said she has started reading a little to fill in the time she had spent in front of the tv.)) (She says her daughter is borrowing her truck, since she wrecked her van.)
This year it has worked out that all the holidays are three-day weekends. (Neat!)
Sharon wanted to know if the picture in the bedroom was my ex. (Why would I keep a picture of her anywhere?)
She seems a little jealous of Erica. (Sharon and I may be lovers, but I will always be closer to Erica.)
(6pm) Let’s see, Carly said Dell told her the information about having an affair with Erica, and that it was common knowledge around Corky’s. She said Gwynn was the one who told her about Erica having the clap.
I think it’s valid to say women are better off with someone else. (I am afraid of relationships that contain the dimensions of emotional and physical intimacy, and commitment; I am afraid of people; I am poor; I am not playful; I am quiet; I am boring; I am a workaholic a lot of the time; drug habits; …. (All that comes together to make me someone few women can get along with and accept, let alone think of living with.))-(I wouldn't make a woman happy now.)-(Keep healing and trying to grow, and maybe someday I will be capable of a long term sexual relationship with someone again.)
My sexual needs are abnormally high and I am not likely to find anyone I am compatible with in that way. (Give her what she needs to be happy and then take care of my own needs.) (In a way that is good. (If I do choose to live with someone, it will be because I enjoy her company and she makes a positive contribution to my life, not for sex.))
I am still too afraid to make the first moves with women! (Just thinking about it causes an anxiety attack. (All I can do is sit quietly and think about something else.)) (I even shake a little at first when Sharon makes the first moves. (Once it passes, I become aggressive. (I follow her non-verbal cues about what she wants and how she wants it.)))
The focus of sex, to me, is giving pleasure. (I get frustrated (I am human), and that is one of the things I will have to come to terms with in order to be good enough for women.) (The purpose of a relationship isn't likely to be my sexual satisfaction. Tis more likely to be about friendship, companionship, sharing and giving.)
I don't know why I am not interested in Sharon. (Tis probably, in part, that I am not ready now for a relationship with anyone.) (Who knows? (What is it that makes or doesn't make love come by for a visit?))
I read a bunch of stuff on that hotel today. (I don't know how lawyers stand that language. (I guess that is why they make so much money.)-(By the end of the day it wasn't making any sense.))