(8am) I still get horny all the time and crave sex; but that drive isn't strong enough to motivate me to endure the pain and break down the barriers, which keep lovers from my life. (I still crave friendship and money, but those cravings aren't strong enough to break down the walls either.) (Maybe that is just as well though? (Maybe the motivation should simply be to do it for me?)) (Interesting puzzle.)
I told the shrink about my idea of approaching finding a girlfriend by spending a few years building friendships, then dating the one’s I like most, and then considering a commitment to one of them. (He thought the general idea was good, but that it's way too slow. (Maybe for most people, but it's painful and it's going to take time to break down the walls. (Until they are gone, I am not sure that making a commitment would be an intelligent option. (?)))) (A girlfriend could be a lot of help in breaking down my phobias, but would it be fair to burden another like that? (That sounds dependent, and I still tend to believe I have to do most of this alone.))
I think I am going to change the letter I send out with the sample from "Feelings". (I think it could at least break even financially, but that it would need to be marketed differently than most books of poetry. (What I write, main stream poetry enthusiasts wouldn't consider to be poetry.)) (Erica has commented that a lot of my poems remind her of country songs, and I think that is the market it would sell to. (Put it out in paperback, so it's cheap, and target the same audience as the country music industry targets.))
(10am) Nice massage.
(3pm) Time for a typing break.
(4pm) Nice walk.
(6pm) Enough typing for today. (So far, I haven't been quite so obsessive as in the past, in typing this addition to "Outlaws and Poets".)
(10pm) Quiet nite. (Nice.)
11-16-87
(8am) Tis snowing. (Beautiful!)
(10am) I searched though my laundry bag and found one ticket for the washing machines at the laundromat, so it's laundry time. (Yeah.) (And, the lady who works here bought me a cookie today. (Yum.) (That was sweet of her.))
(7pm) Enough typing for today.
(10pm) Quiet nite. (Nice.)
11-17-87
(8am) I suppose it's time to plug back into the computer.
(4pm) Erica stopped by for a chat. (Neat!)