(4pm) Nice workout.
(6pm) Nice massage.
(10pm) Quiet nite. (Nice.)
10-31-87
(5am) Happy Halloween. (Boo.)
Probably the biggest reason for not simply accepting this lifestyle is that it's one I have chosen out of fear, not from free choice.
The shrink agreed with me that my first chore is to find a job and start putting down roots.
(11am) Nice massage.
(3pm) I actually did some house cleaning. (Amazing.)
(4pm) Nice walk.
(8pm) Nice massage.
(11pm) Quiet nite. (Nice.)
I am still not up to the pain of going out.
11-1-87
(7am) I finally slept a little later. (Neat.)
(9am) I think having been a wanderer for so long is another symptom of my phobias. (In the last 18 years, the longest I have lived in one town was 6 1/2 years (Bozeman), I have moved 26 times, the longest job was 39 months, and my relationship with Erica is the longest friendship.) (I think the first thing to do in breaking down the phobia is to make a commitment to a place.)
For some reason phrases like "There is a thing between them." and "He has a thing for her." occurred to me. Then it occurred to me that our culture seems to often relate love to being a thing, and that maybe an aspect of the problem today with relationships not lasting, is connected to that association. (e.g., giving presents instead of time and energy.)-(e.g., parts of "sexual chemistry" such as clothes, contact lenses, hairdos, sports cars, hot tubs, cocaine, makeup, ….) (Tis magic, and maybe love resents being turned into an object?) (Symbols are a nice part of romance. (Even in ancient times when they saw love to be magical they used charms and such to encourage it to come and visit; but maybe we have taken it too far?))
(11am) Nice massage.
(2pm) Nice walk.
(5pm) Erica stopped in for a visit. (Neat!)