Another thing that occurred to me again while watching "Hardbodies" was that, although girls are pleasant to look at, I prefer women. (Another thing I have to change is to start spending time in places where I am more likely to meet women my own age. (Of my close women friends, Erica is the closest to my age, and she is nine years younger.)) (I suppose hanging out in places where most of the women are young was another of my defense mechanisms. (I wonder if part of my rejections came as a result of that? (I spent most of my time with younger women, but mostly asked out women my own age. (They probably had me written down as a guy who is into younger women. (Some women seem to get mad at men who spend time with younger women.))))
I am still unsure of the definition of "dumb women"; but I still get the feeling it wouldn't be someone who I would enjoy.
I am still watching a lot of comedy and laughing. (Neat.)
Maybe I will go to the Down Under later and listen to the band for awhile. (Or, maybe I should stay sober and drive out to Duelin Daltons, and see what it's like?) (I prefer rock music to country, but I am often about the oldest person at the Down Under.)
(8am) Maybe the definitions of "dumb" and "intelligent" women don't necessarily relate to intellect? (e.g., I am sure there are women like me, who are shy and have buried themselves in books. They would have a high level of intelligence; but lack social skills, and be an easy mark for a smooth talking guy.) (It sounds like a pretty vicious game to me; but maybe that is my phobia rationalizing away an alternative I should try?) (I know one of my concerns is that my social and sexual immaturity makes me an easy mark for smooth talking women. (e.g., my ex.)-(I am not desperate for emotionally intimacy because of Erica and Carrie, and I am not desperate for sex; but I could still get used pretty easily. (If someone started coming around and giving me lots of sex, it would be tempting to get involved, regardless of whether it was a good or bad choice. (I am human, and subject to thinking with the wrong head sometimes.)-(That is one advantage of living here. (I have Erica to give me input about the women I run into and help me avoid problems.)))))
Maybe I am approaching relationships now from such an analytical angle, because of my ex? (Lust scares me now.) (Another example of me going from one extreme to the other.) (Maybe I am leery of using women because I feel I got used? (I didn't like it, and to do it to another, seems cruel to me.))
(11am) Well, I got all my errands run and my survival bills paid again. (Yeah.)
I picked up another box of rubbers too. (I will probably end up giving this batch to Erica too, but I suppose I shouldn't close that door completely by not having any. (Stranger things have been known to happen.))
(4pm) Nice workout.
I stopped by the post office on the way to the Club and sent a copy of the sixth addition of "Outlaws and Poets" to Carrie. (I found a package there from her with my letters to her. (Yeah.))
(5pm) I got all of my letters to Carrie sorted into chronological order, so that job's ready to start. (It will be nice to get that job done!)