(4pm) Erica stopped by and kept me company for awhile. (Neat!)
She says Linda's comment about me was that I was depressed and depressing to be around. (I have to find some way to stop depressing people. (And, until I do, I need to stay away from people. (It makes me feel worse, when I make others depressed or get in the way of their fun!)))
(5pm) I broke down, and went to the store and bought some cookies and potato chips. (Give myself a treat. (It took the last of my money; but I have got food, shelter, transportation, entertainment, and everything that is really important. (Life is pretty good!)))
Maybe I do need to stay home until I am capable of acting single and being open to sex? (Not being able to seems to depress a lot of people, and that makes me feel guilty.) (So many puzzles.)
Erica says Miranda is happy with her new beau. (Good for her.) (It took her about a year, and I think that is pretty normal.) (If I ever started acting single, I would probably find a girlfriend within a year of two. (But, I couldn't do the heavy bar scene she has been doing, and work. (The last time I did seven nites a week in the bar scene, I was unemployed.) (I need six to eight hours of sleep, to function properly.) (Still I should be spending three or four nites a week at the bar, if I was to meet people and be serious about being single. (I have gone out quite a few times here; but it hasn't been steady, because I only go out when I have money, and I have mostly been broke. (I go out a lot for a few weeks and then disappear for a few months, which makes it pretty much impossible to meet people and build relationships with them. (Oh well, I am not ready to cope with that now, so stop worrying about it.))))))
(9pm) I suppose my sexual dysfunction makes me sufficiently abnormal that I don't fit in anywhere, except alone.
(10pm) Quiet nite. (Nice.)
8-16-87
(8am) Quiet morning. (I love this time with my coffee and the newspaper.)
Erica commented about all the food people keep bringing into the office where she is working. (Offices do seem to attract a lot of donuts, rolls, cakes, …. (At the County, there was always little birthday parties (Or whatever excuse someone could dream up for pigging out.), and they were always bringing me some. (I didn't eat lunches when I worked there, but with all the sugar, I didn't really need to. (That and sitting so much is why people who work in offices have to make themselves find time for exercise.))))
It amuses me a little that, with the Aids problem, my celibacy has finally become fashionable. (Maybe I shouldn't go into the real reasons for my celibacy, and join the crowd who is giving sex up because of that? (Maybe I wouldn't depress people with that excuse? (I don't want to depress other people.)-(I don't get depressed about it often or for long; but, in meeting people and talking about my life, I suppose it sounds depressing and they probably assume I am depressed about it. (e.g., I don't mind my solitude often, and seldom feel sad or lonely; but I suppose most people, when they try to visualize a life like this, relate it to the sadness and loneliness they would feel, if it were them.)))) (Maybe the answer is to avoid the topic of my life and get them talking about themselves?)