12-29-85
(Noon) I had the money and the time yesterday, so I went to Wallace and spent an hour with a hooker. (That was very nice, but not what I am really looking for.)-(Oh well, maybe it's a step in the right direction?) (I got really nervous just outside of Wallace and I was shaking really badly by the time I got out of the car. By the time I had hit a few bars, found out where the brothels are, and got there, I had calmed down.)
12-30-85
(6pm) Thoughts from my Wallace trip:
I. Negative:
a. I like kissing, touching, and snuggling afterwards, but there was only touching there.
b. For me the first orgasm comes quickly. The second time I am less sensitive and I like to spend a lot of time trying to please the woman I am with. (I could only afford an hour and she didn't want to be pleased. (Just get me off and out the door.))
c. There was still no one to talk to when I got home.
II. Positive:
a. Twas much better than Rosie.
b. I had been worried about whether I would be uptight and not be able to function. Twas a relief to find out I could still perform.
III. Overall: Unless I caught something the Dr. can't fix, I am glad I went. (I needed to do something about tearing down the psychological block keeping me from sex. (I think that helped.))
1-1-86
(3pm) Happy New Year to me!
Last nite I took myself out to dinner at a Chinese restaurant. (Delish.)
I picked up "Annie Hall" and "Up in smoke" from the video rental place, and last nite I sat around watching movies and getting shitfaced. (That was the first time I have spent New Years Eve alone. (I hope it's the last! (How depressing!)))
I got a letter from Caroline yesterday. (She is doing well. (Good for her.))
Quote:
Woody Allen, "Annie Hall" - "This guy goes to a psychiatrist and
says, ‘Doc my brother is crazy. He thinks he's a chicken.’ The doc says,
‘So why don't you turn him in?’ And the guy says, ‘I would but I need the
eggs.’ I guess that is pretty much how I feel now about relationships. They are
totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, but I guess we keep going through it because
most of us need the eggs."
1-4-86
(8pm) Thursday nite was quiet.
Friday Erica picked me up at work. She had bought some food, so we went back to my apartment, pigged out (delish.), bs'd, and watched tv. (She gave me a new picture to hang in my living room. (I am in love with it.))-(My home is getting nicer.)