(5pm) Quote:
Abrahamsen, "Road to emotional maturity" -
"... it's easier to remain in our shells and avoid facing the traits and attitudes in
ourselves that form the root of our unhappiness."
9-9-85
(8am) Quotes:
Abrahamsen-"... since most of our behavior is
unconscious, it does not help very much to make a conscious effort, by sheer will power,
to do one thing or another if the unconscious is pulling in the other direction."
"... excessive suppression and frustration of your sexual desires has a dynamic tendency to involve and extend itself to all areas of your behavior."
9-10-85
(8am) Last nite was quiet.
Quote:
Abrahamsen-"... a conflict begins to arise,
because men and women just don't fall into a pattern of either all masculine or all
feminine traits - and they feel that they are expected to." (He suggests that people
find a complement in their partners. (e.g., if the male is 75% masculine and 25% feminine,
he should look for a woman who is 25% masculine and 75% feminine.)
(3pm) I dreamed that I was at my dad's house. There were lots of people there for a party, and I was uncomfortable. (Being an accountant is sort of like being in my dad's house, and I am not comfortable with that. (?))
Am I uncertain about moving or is it my motives I am uncertain about? (I still have a lot of inappropriate feelings for Erica.) (I don't expect us to be more than friends, but it would be nice seeing her more often.) (I still wonder if loving her was just a defense. (I think I was always aware that it was hopeless, and it served to insure celibacy.)-(Oh well, I am not ready now for commitment and intimacy, so no big-a-deal.))
Several people have suggested that I write fiction, but I can't figure it out. (I don't seem to have the imagination necessary to make up stories.) (Oh well, keep rambling away here.)
I wonder if my dream about Carrie means I would like to be more than her friend, but I can't imagine her being interested?
(11pm) I took myself to see "Prizzi's honor". (Good.)
Then I stopped in at the Paw for a couple drinks. (Nice nite.)
9-12-85
(10am) Yesterday I took my car into the shop to get it checked out. (They say it needs a new engine.) (To celebrate I picked up some whisky and beer. I was about to get really f'ed up when Carrie called.)-(I ended up going over there, dropped acid and got seriously mangled with them. (Much better than drinking alone.))