8-14-85
(1pm) I ran into Billie on my lunch walk today. (She is looking good, and says that things are going smoother on the home front. (I hope so.)) (She says I will never find a lover, until I stop building friendships with women; because my women friends don't want to risk losing my friendship by f'ing me.)
8-15-85
(8am) I went over to Leo's again last nite. (Samantha wanted to go for a ride, so we took a cruise up Bridger Canyon.) (Then we went back to Leo's and listened to the band practice.)
I met one of Samantha's married girlfriends on Monday nite. (Samantha says that her friend’s husband has been out of town for a month, and she has been f'ing around a bit to cure her horniness.) (I asked Samantha what she thought I should do if that woman should proposition me. (She said I should do what I want to do, and if I was "so low down that I would f someone else's wife, go right ahead." (Sometimes my women friends seem to have a set of rules they think I should live by, that are much different than the one’s they live by. (Why is that, I wonder?))))
(Noon) Quote:
Roy Francis, "Sociology in a different key" -"Each symbol has a substantive (content) aspect; an affective aspect that conveys good-bad, like-dislike, and related terms (this aspect denies the possibility of a perfectly neutral symbol); and a sociative aspect, in which ego announces self and places the target of the symbol."
(7pm) I got a call tonite from Carrie. (She is doing well and plans to be back in town after Labor Day.) (She agrees that a fellow who is attempting to break out of the chauvinistic role is going to have trouble finding a lover. (Women say that is what they want, but it doesn't fit the model presented to them in childhood and it is the Child that chooses lovers. (Tis not easy trying to put that conditioning behind us.))) (She says that she knows Tami, and that she has a really big beau. (C'est la vie.))
8-16-85
(Noon) Quotes:
Francis-"... one cannot think along culturally accepted patterns and be simultaneously creative."
"Indeed, there is some evidence which suggests that the solution manifests itself when the conscious mind is disengaged from the task."
8-18-85
(9am) Friday nite Samantha and I ate about a quarter ounce of shrooms and laid around Leo's until nine. (By then I was getting a bit pissed at Samantha. (I wanted to save some of the shrooms in case we met some interesting women at the bar later, and she wanted to eat them all.)) (For some reason I was feeling some bad vibes there.) (For some reason I was wanting to take my clothes off, so I went home, got naked, and laid on the bed for hours giggling, thinking, and getting very much into touching myself.) (I got some really weird time distortions, pointing me to thought about how all time is the same and at the same time different.) (I also thought of all my friends and of how lucky I am.) (Another awareness was of how much I miss and need to restore touching and being touched to my life.)