As the courthouse turns: The head of welfare (Ron) is planning a trip to Nevada to go whoring. (In some ways it would be nice to go along, but it isn’t quite what I am looking for.)-(So confusing.)-(It sure is frustrating being so horny, yet totally unable to do anything about it except for visiting with Rosie a couple times a day.)-(Not having someone around to visit and share with isn't much fun either, but my friends help me to find some companionship.)
(9pm) I sent off my book "Feelings" to four more publishers today. (Start dreaming all over again. (I try to be cynical about my chances of getting published, but it's hard not to hope.))
It may take forever to find someone as special as Erica; and, if I find her, a long time to build a friendship and find out if we can get along. (Maybe I worry too much about making another wrong choice; but, as much as I hate celibacy and living alone, trying to live with the wrong woman is even worse!)
It seems to me that friends really should be able to lovers too. Everyone has the itch, and if you can't turn to your friends, that means strangers will have to do the scratching. (We all have to start with strangers, but jumping into bed with them seems less wise to me than loving friends.)-(Be nice if we could turn to our friends to scratch the itch and just meet strangers to find new friends.)-(Maybe we would even discover that the friend, who is our lover, is also our love?) (Unfortunately, like a lot of "shoulds", it too often doesn't work out too well.)-(Too often only one discovers that their friend is their love, while the other keeps on meeting strangers.)
(10pm) Maybe part of the reason I do so poorly in the bars is that I visit with Rosie before I go? (That kind of takes the fire out of one's eyes.) (Maybe I am so obsessed with avoiding lust that I am closing myself completely off from the chance of finding loving?) (Oh well, keep meeting strangers.)
Poetry time again: